Haven’t blogged for a while. I’ve been meaning to. I’ve had a funny week or so.

My Dad was meant to get married for the third time on the 27th of December. He didn’t and instead split up with his long-term girlfriend. He’s really sad about it, understandably, and I’m quite depressed by it too. I don’t really know what’s happening but she seems to have just given up on their relationship. This may have been going on for ages without me knowing it, I haven’t seen her since August, but still, I’m sad.

Then there’s the whole LShift thing. They told me they didn’t want to hire me as a developer/designer because they didn’t have the role. I wrote back imploring them to consider me as a straight programmer. They agreed yesterday, as long as I produced a whole load of my code for inspection, wrote new answers to a questionnaire gauging my opinions on various programming issues and provided three links for their links page. This was hard. First off my code library is bad, full of little-more-than-started projects and nothing really meaty. Secondly I wasn’t sure what was wrong with my first set of questionnaire answers and I wasn’t sure how to fix them. Lastly, the page is very much links to programming issue articles. I read this kind of stuff loads but rarely feel strongly enough about a particular issue to have favourite articles about it. I tried to find pieces about stuff I care about, OSS, standards and usability, with a slant towards deploying good software being good for you. I did discover the quite interesting but badly named EvangCentral section of Sun’s site (BTW I fucking love Sun’s redesign, Nielsen must be apoplectic with joy). Anyway, the stress levels were high last night, I got into a mental block. I have no idea what the end result will be, I’m kind of hoping that they will just turn around and tell me to fuck off, because I’ve got the over-riding sensation that I’m lying and cheating my way in or at least that I’m not really good enough and only narrowly hiding this fact. Even though that may not be true, it’s the prevailing mood and is affecting my attitude. If they bring me in for interview I’m going to be terrified.

Louise has started her new job. It seems fairly drudgeful, but she doesn’t hate it too much. It is not well paid but the company seems to be growing. It was started in 1997 and will make a profit this year. Not bad for an internet company. It’s because they have content, you know.

Must go, lots of work to do and a score with younger more successful people to settle. Oh who am I kidding, I’m never going to be a superstar developer. I want to be, but I spend my time doing other stuff. Mainly prevaricating. I prevaricate so much that playing on my GameCube is something I “keep meaning to get around to,” how bad is that!

Plus, I’m writing this on Apple’s new KHTML-based browser, Safari. It’s nice and a bit different from other stuff. It uses the background of the address bar as the loading meter. It at least has nice Aqua form controls!